Hard to describe

In some ways, today was just like any other day over the last three weeks...trips to the hospital, eating lunch and dinner at odd times, facing the annoyingly cold air as we walked to the parking garage, and driving home feeling tired.

On the other hand, I would be absolutely crazy to say that today was just a "normal" day. Afterall, April and I had the privilege of spending time with our son! There is nothing "normal" or mundane about that!

Lincoln is continuing to grow and develop. He did really good at regulating his own temperature today with the "lid" on his bed open, and he seems to be eating well.

After watching his oxgyen levels and heart rate so close over the last few weeks, I don't think we can ever say that stuff is just normal. Sure...at some point down the road we'll probably drop back into our routines; working, traffic will probably still be a pain, we'll get busy with stuff...but I think (or at least I hope) that we will always have a different perspective on life. It's hard to describe how it feels when we just sit and watch Lincoln sleep. For those of you who've had kids, you probably know what I'm talking about...it's something special when you just stop and think about how amazing your little baby is. I thought about this verse as we were driving home tonight...

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:13-16

If I was to name one prayer request tonight, I would ask you to pray for our energy. We're pretty tired and we're realizing that our days and weeks are really blurring together. We'd like to be at the hospital as much as possible in addition to taking care of other responsibilities. Please pray that God would give us good rest when we sleep so that we can feel refreshed and renewed each day.

Thanks!

Jeremy, April, Lincoln, and Belle:-)

Style

As we said last night, Lincoln is now able to start wearing clothes! Here are a few pictures we managed to get today. Hope you enjoy (click on pictures to enlarge)...

In addition to his cool new clothes, Lincoln has also decided that he likes to sport the messy rockstar hair style

Besides moving past the stage of constant nakedness and nice clean hair-do's, Lincoln managed to gain another ounce. He's now proudly weighing in at 4lbs 4oz. Yes I know, it probably sounds funny to mention when he gains as little as an ounce...but as we've said before...every ounce counts! With all of the energy he put into doing so well with eating and everything yesterday, he was pretty worn out today...which basically means he slept a lot! While Lincoln was resting up, April and I enjoyed hanging out with our friends Jim and Robyn who were visiting from Modesto. It was great to go to lunch and talk about baby stuff since they are expecting their first child at the end of April. One funny moment from our afternoon happened when the four of us stepped into an elevator. Not long after stepping in we were soon overwhelmed when more and more people started to join us. We were wondering how many people were actually going to fit. Since I'm so mature and serious all the time, I tried to break the "I feel sorta uncomfortable standing so close to people in such a small area" kind of feeling by saying, "Oh man, I've got gas!". Needless to say, that didn't go over so well...but hey, at least of few of us got a good laugh.

April and I have been learning about how special brief moments can be over the last couple of weeks. Whether it's holding Lincoln's little hands as the nurses take care of him or taking some much need naps with him, we have a new appreciation for slowing down and taking advantage of moments to stop and shut off the outside world. Tonight we had a lot of fun hanging out with some of the night shift nurses. As they were busy taking care of their assigned babies, we talked a lot and had the chance to ask a lot of questions (funny and serious). We're enjoying getting to know each of them and we're realizing that it will be weird to just stop going to the hospital some day. We're thankful that we've had the chance to get to know some great people who take care of Lincoln.

Tomorrow is not too far away so I should wrap it up. It's going to be another day of spending time with Lincoln...Another day of trying to be patient as he slowly grows...and another day of finding moments to value.

Making Progress

It's late Sunday night and you know what that means...just like many nights over the last few weeks, I'm sitting down to share another update on our adventure with you. I've got to be honest about a few things before I give you the latest though. #1 - I've never really been the kind of person to sit down and put any time into journal writing. April is really the one who started this blog back in August. She wanted to be able to share pictures and stuff as the pregnancy went on. Some friends had also encouraged her to start a blog...and well, here we are...and this blog thing seems to be a really good way to get some thoughts and feelings off my chest...never would've thought it would happen:) #2 - I've gone back and forth a couple of times on how much I should write. As I'm sure you would agree, once my thoughts start pouring out...I can end up writing a lot. I always want to share what's really on our hearts and what's really going on with Lincoln, but at the same time I don't want to sound like a self centered broken record. However, many of you have encouraged April and I to keep up on the blog. Sooo...here we are again:-)

As of this morning Lincoln weighed 4lbs 3oz. This means that the nurses will begin to test him and see how he'll do at sleeping in an open crib. They'll want to make sure he can hold his own temperature without all of the warmth the isolette provides. Last night the nurses took him off of his IV...which means no more ugly IV in his arm! One of the main reasons he's going without the IV is that he's begun to breastfeed a little, and he's doing well with all of the nutrients he is getting from his momma:-) We are so thankful that he seems to be reaching some important milestones and progressing so well. One fun thing to mention real quick is that he's going to start wearing clothes! As we tucked Lincoln in for the night, his nurse encouraged us to pick out an outfit that she could put him in for the night. Unable to make a decision on our own, the nurse happily looked into our bag of preemie clothes and pulled out her favorite. Hopefully we'll get some pictures tomorrow of Lincoln showing off his cool threads.

As April and I have had a lot of time to think and talk recently...one of the things we've agreed on is that it's important to include a little more than just the stuf "about us " in our blog. Each day when we go and spend time in the NICU with Lincoln, we aren't the only parents there. There are many other babies there who could use some prayer. There are many other parents who are going through some tough times. Although we don't know them personally, we see them a lot and know that we're all in similar situations. So, if you think of it, please pray for all of the babies and their parents in the NICU at John Muir. Because of what I know about God, I know He's much bigger and more powerful than any medical stuff out there.

In addition, we want to ask you to keep all of the nurses and doctors in your thoughts and prayers. They work long hours, are away from their families a lot, and have to deal with some stressful situations at times. There is no question that we've quickly gained a new respect for the doctors and nurses...or...the world's most expensive babysitters as we like to call them...hahaha:) Words really can't express how thankful we are for each one of them. They give a lot of themselves in order to help babies so I feel like the least we can do is say a prayer for them.

Tonight when we first got to the hospital we didn't want to disturb Lincoln. He was sound asleep so we both just sat and watched him for a few minutes until he began to wake up. While we were watching him, I couldn't help but stare at his little hands and feet. Some of you may know that one of my past jobs involved working with fingerprints...Lincoln definitely has the smallest fingerprints I've ever seen! It's amazing to think that this little boy and his tiny little fingerprints were created by the same God who decided where to place each of the stars in the sky. God is in control and we are blessed.

Thanks again for checking up on us,

Jeremy, April, & Lincoln

So Weird

It's still so weird! April and I were eating lunch today when we both kinda realized how weird it is that we actually have a baby. We were watching other couples holding babies or pushing strollers and thinking about how weird it's going to be when we can actually take Lincoln out somewhere. To be really honest, in some ways...right now it feels like we're sorta playing house. Sometimes it feels like we're just visiting a baby in the hospital. Obviously Lincoln totally feels like ours...and we love him a ton! It's just sorta discouraging to watch other families do stuff other than just sit in a hospital all day. The point at which he will able to come home...when we can actually put his car seat and stroller to use...when we can walk into his room and see him asleep in his crib...when we can sit and rock with him...these things feel so far off sometimes. It's like this...yeah of course we know we have a baby...but when we leave the hospital each day...it's always a little hard, like something is just not right. It's almost like I feel like asking someone, "Remind me again, why do we have to leave our son at the hospital when everyone else gets to take their kids home?" I guess there are just some times when reality kinda stings us a little bit. We're reminded of what's really going on.

The good news is that Lincoln is still doing really good. He's consistently gaining weight, in fact as of last night he weighed 3lbs 15oz. Another piece of good news is that the nurses have been able to decrease the nutrients going through his IV over the last couple of days...which means that pretty soon they'll be able to take it out of him. This is another good sign that Lincoln is progressing well. Today one of the doctors suggested a few things to improve his oxygen levels and while we were there tonight, his oxygen saturation never fell below 94 :-)

Many of you have been asking about how April and I are doing. I'm always hesitant to spend too much time talking about us to anyone...whether it's here on the blog or in person. I guess I just feel like there are so many other people out there in much worse off situations. But, to answer the question of "How we're doing" - I would say we're doing pretty good. Speaking for the both of us - this has been an experience so far that just reinforces how much we love each other. That we're in the adventure of life together (not just in the present but far into whatever happens in the many years to come). I've heard a lot of people talk about how the birth of your child changes you. I always just smiled and shook my head...not knowing the real truth of that statement. Needless to say, the birth of Lincoln has changed us. I'm not sure that the frailty of life has ever been more real to me...it's forced us to look and think about life from a different perspective. Now as I sit here tonight...I'm reminded that it's been three weeks since Lincoln was born. I can honestly tell you that April and I are thankful for everything that's happened. We know that what has happened in the past and everything that will happen in the future (whatever that is) is not up to us. We're not in control and it gives us a sense of peace.

33 weeks

Yeah! Good numbers!

Lincoln's First Christmas

Wow! What a Christmas! This one will go into the memory books and we will think back on it for a long time. Simply put - we could not have asked for a better Christmas. I know it probably sounds really cheesey or whatever, but Lincoln really is the best gift we've ever recieved.

The day started out with opening a few presents and enjoying some cinnamon rolls with apple cider and hot tea. After relaxing a little at home, we headed to the hospital to spend some time with Lincoln. When we got there, we had a good time talking with Lincoln's nurse. It was good to be able to laugh a little despite being bummed that we couldn't spend time with family. It was also fun to see what some of the night shift nurses had done to make it feel a little more like Christmas in the nicu. The best part of the morning was that April spent some more time doing what she loves most...snuggling with Linc.

When it was time to go home for an afternoon break, we had to choose what we were going to do for this years elaborate Christmas feast. Since most of the restaraunts were closed....and the cafeteria food looked a little less than appealing we opted to see if a grocery store was open. We managed to find a store that was open all day...and to make a long story short...we were suprised to find out that Marie Callenders frozen turkey dinners really don't taste as bad as we thought they would hahaha:-) But in all seriousness (I know it's hard to imagine me being serious), what we ate for Christmas really didn't matter to us...the last three weeks have given us a different perspective on Christmas. It was a great day.

To close the day we went back to the hospital tonight and enjoyed sitting with Lincoln some more. We even managed to get a few pictures with Lincoln dressed in his first set of Christmas pajamas (thanks to Nana from Oregon and the nice nurse who mananged to tuck all of the wires in...quite the challenge). We've put together a short video clip as well as some pictures that we hope you'll enjoy. When I think of Christmas I think of three words - peace, love, and joy. I hope that...more than having a merry Christmas (whatever that is)...you were able to experience a little peace, love, and joy in your lives today.

Slow But Steady

We just wanted to take a few minutes and update you on Lincoln's progress. In short, we could describe his progress as slow but good. He now weighs 3 lbs 9 oz (started out as 2 lbs 14 oz); he is steadily gaining about an ounce a day.

We are starting to get used to all of the alarms and are better at reading all the monitors. We know by sound which alarms to ignore (for example when a medication is finished) and when we should watch more closely. As we sit in the ICN, alarms are constantly sounding from the different preemies around the room. It almost feels normal to hear constant dinging... and it feels strange when the room has been quiet for a while.

We are also learning his patterns, for example if his heart rate is increasing there is a good chance he is too hot. And we have discovered that part of the reason Linc's oxygen levels having been dropping is that he often sleeps with his mouth open. Tonight one of the nurses called him an air leak. At least it is an easy fix and we just have to help him close his mouth :-).

We are thankful Lincoln is dong well... that is all we want. Please continue to pray that his body will grow stronger and stronger each day. And pray we will get the rest we need... being at the hospital daily can be a little tiring. Thanks again for your prayers - we definitely feel them!

Love, Jeremy, April, & Lincoln

Sunday afternoon

Hi guys, we thought we'd share this quick video clip with you. This afternoon Lincoln was really alert while we were hanging out with him...it made for some fun times. He's still doing good...eating more and more and becoming more and more cute. Anyway, we're really enjoying every moment with him and we hope this video will bring a smile to your face! (you may want to turn up your volume a little bit)

Love,

Jeremy, April, & Lincoln

Weekend Update

And now for our own version of "Weekend Update"(it's a Saturday Night Live thing)...

Yesterday we started the day hanging out with Lincoln at the hospital (yeah, I know shocker!). April got to hold him for a long time. The Neonatologist stopped by to tell us that everything is still looking good with the exception of his bilirubin count (jaundice)...he was one orange boy! Although he needed to spend more time under the lights, the doctor and nurses encouraged April to spend a little more time holding him because they knew we were going to be gone the rest of the day.

After some good time at the hospital, we drove to Escalon where April was a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding. It was hard to leave Lincoln but we really wanted to be at the wedding and the nurses all told us to go and have fun. The bride (Leslie) is a really good friend and also the one we blame for introducing us to each other :-) It was great to be there and celebrate with Aaron and Leslie (thanks for letting us be a part of your big day, we're excited for you guys!) After the reception we drove back and stopped by the hospital to tuck Lincoln in for the night. Of course he was wide awake...just as he was late at night in April's tummy.

While we were saying goodnight to him, his nurse weighed him and we found out that he's up to 3lbs 6oz. They've also increased his feedings to 12 ml. Good things are happening! It's crazy to look at him and see that he's actually beginning to change and grow into his skin. Hard to believe but he even seems to have a little chub in his cheeks. Keep in mind we're talking about a tiny little boy, but every ounce of fat counts...it's probably more noticeable because he started out so skinny. A little size comparison for you...to give you an idea of how small/big he is, I held my thumb up next to his foot when he decided to stick it in the air. My thumb and his foot = same size.

Today April spent a good chunk of the day at the hospital while I tried to take care of some details here at home. Lincoln's oxygen level was near perfect and it was the first day that he's not had any problems breathing in a while. This is another really good thing...we're praying that his lungs get stronger and stronger every day. Tonight after dinner, we both went to the hospital and I was able to hold Lincoln. The nurses call it "Kangarooing" because you hold the baby on your bare skin...similar to how a mother kangaroo carries her baby in her pouch...as close as possible. They encourage this method of bonding (which originated in Colombia) because it's proven to speed up a babies development and increase preemie survival rates. After we put Lincoln back in his bed, we just sat for a few minutes and watched his little body. It was amazing to look at his little fingers and realize that he's got tiny fingerprints. It's really cool to think that something so small is still so complex. Just another reminder of how awesome Lincoln's creator is.

Amazing

I remember driving to the hospital on Dec. 4th...trying to stay calm and thinking that we'd be home later that night after being checked out by the doctors. Instead, after hours of watching the nurses trying to stop labor, I remember listening to the doctors tells us that Lincoln was coming no matter what. April and I had no warning...it was the last thing we were expecting when we woke up that morning, and there we were having to quickly suck it up and accept reality. It was very surreal. For those of you who've been following our adventure, I'm sure you know what happened next:-)

Now, two weeks later...tonight, we sat in the Intensive Care Nursery...April holding Lincoln on her chest...and it still blows us away to call Lincoln our son. I'm sure many of you have been through a similar experience. If not the shock of parenthood, maybe some other big reality that seemed to attack with no warning. Like many nights over the last two weeks, we were able to spend a long time just sitting with Lincoln tonight. He's still going pretty good. He gained 2 more ounces so now he's 3lbs 3 oz's. He's still on a little oxygen but we're hoping his lungs will get stronger very soon. When we're with him, we never really say much. It's best not to do anything that might disturb him(I tend to have a loud voice so it's hard to always be quiet). A lot times we whisper things to him and kiss his head. Most of the time we just sit and are still with him. His warm skin against ours. His soft head against our chins. And feeling his little chest move in and out when he breathes.

April and I were talking recently and thinking of all the ways that we were already "ready" for a baby. We had most of his room set up here at home before he was born. Friends and family have been extremely generous in giving us things we'll need as parents. You want to know something weird? April just reminded me that I'd actually made an ironic comment the day before Lincoln was born. On the morning before his birth, I stepped out of the shower (the place where I think a lot) and I said, "What if we're so prepared because the baby is going to come early?" I don't know why I though that or said it, I just did.

The reason I bring all of this up is because as we sit with Lincoln, we are constantly reminded of how amazing God is. God blessed us when April got pregnant, he blessed us when Lincoln was born, and we are blessed to know that God is watching over Lincoln all the time...growing every part of him as each day goes by. We've also been blessed to get to know some great people who are taking care of our baby boy...Lincoln's nurses! It's been great to have conversations with them - laughing and sharing stories with them, getting to know about their families (visa/versa), and listening to them explain the realities of preemie world in caring ways. There's a verse that says, "Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom." The adventure we're on is something we never planned or expected but God has a plan. Even on good and bad days, we know that God is watching over us. We know that even if Lincoln gets tired from trying to breath, God will be right there...He doesn't grow tired or weak. He created Lincoln with a purpose and He is Lincoln's everlasting God.

Funny stuff

Lincoln's big accomplishment for the day = he's up to 3lbs 1oz...and every ounce matters! He still has moments when his breathing is a little weird but we're learning that it's one of many things that preemies just do. "It's normal" is probably one of the most common phrases we've heard from nurses. The doctors continue to give us positive reports so we remain encouraged that Linc is pretty much progressing right along as he should be. Prayer for his lungs and digestive system are always appreciated.

To kinda switch things up a bit we've decided to share a few funny moments we've had recently...we hope you enjoy and get to laugh a little. By the way Lincoln's middle name (Isaac) means "He will laugh"...which is part of the reason we choose it :-)

Funny moments with the Browns
1. While we were taking a peek at Lincoln the other day, April opened one of the doors to his isolette (his bed) to adjust one of his monitor leads. Unknown to April, the little door has a spring in the hinge. Sooo...when she unlatched the door and let it go, it swung open and hit Jeremy in the face...who had just bent down to look at Linc.

2. Tuesday night Lincoln was having some difficulty breathing and April heard him making some funny noises. She asked his nurse to come over and suction his nose. What came out of his nose shocked both April and the nurse (who has seen a lot). It was some huge boogers!!! Just think of a time when you were digging in your nose and found one of those really rewarding nuggets...that came out of a baby who is only 3lbs:-)

3. As I'm sure you can tell, we're able to spend a lot of time at the hospital with Lincoln. His bed
lowers up and down so you can sit in a rocker and watch over him as he rests. One day recently, I (April) was lowering his bed when all of a sudden I heard air leaking from somewhere. I flung open the curtain and called out, "What's that sound?" One of the nurses hurried over to discover that I had accidentally bumped the oxgyen valve which was leaking into the room. Needless to say I haven't lowered his bed on my own since.

4. The last one we'll share actually happened today...We had the idea to take a Christmas picture while holding Lincoln. We showed up at the hospital expecting to have all of his wires and stuff in the picture...and we were ok with that. We told the nurse our idea...and soon she brought a whole screen type thing out of a room to use as a backdrop. Then she looked around and much to April's dismay, found a red&white knit hat to shove on Lincoln's head. She was obviously excited to help us take our Christmas picture. Soon she was posing us and trying out different angles with the camera. We were totally grateful for her help but we had no idea that the icn was going to be transformed into a mini portait studio. Poor Lincoln...I wish you could've seen the look on his face.

That's all our funny stories for now...I'm sure we'll have some more soon:-)
Continue to pray for us!

Waiting

Today was pretty much more of the same for us and Lincoln. One of his doctors talked with us this morning and said things are still looking good...nothing abnormal happening for a preemie of his age. He's still on oxgyen because his lungs are just still too immature. The nurses are great and always keep him resting comfortably annd one thing is for sure...Lincoln is really cute! It's still crazy to look at him and call him our son. Sometimes I think April and I forget that he's not even supposed to be here yet...it's weird.

We had a good conversation about how easy it is to worry about him. Even with all of the reasurring from nurses and the stuff we read, we just can't help but worry. If there was ever a time that we are having to learn about waiting and patience...it's definetly now! Hard stuff to have to learn. It feels kinda selfish to ask for prayer for us when Lincoln needs prayer more than we do...but pray that we would be able to give up control and be able to rest in knowing that God has the future all figured out. Also, please continue to pray for Lincoln's lungs and digestive system...that they would get stronger and stronger each day.

Here are just a few pictures we were able to get tonight while April was holding him :-)

Finding the good stuff

We're going to make a really strong attempt at getting to bed earlier tonight so I think I'm going to try and make this post quick...

Today was a little rough but it ended up ok. This morning when I went to church, April went to the hospital to see Lincoln. While she was there, Lincoln's temperature started to get a little crazy...fluctuating up and down a lot. In addition, the oxgyen saturation level in his blood began to drop and stay too low. The nurses got a little concerned and started to take a closer look at things...which was kinda scary for April. They told us that these issues could possibly be signs that he has an infection or is trying to fight off an infection of some sort. So...they ran some blood tests to check out his white/red cell count. The test came back with some slightly off numbers so they started Lincoln on an antibiotic right away. We'll find out the results from the blood culture in a few days. They also put Linc back on oxgyen to try and bump his saturation levels up where they're supposed to be. We were told not to worry...but come on now...like were not going to worry...ha yeah right! Fortunately as the day went on his levels began to improve and he was stable again.

The good we found in todays developments is that the nurses are really proactive and jumped in to take care of Lincoln. There really is no doubt that Lincoln is under the watchful eyes of some very smart and caring people. Another slice of good stuff...well...let's just say that we got some "solid proof" that stuff is moving through Lincoln's digestive system and coming out the right end;-) It was kinda funny because the nurse checked his diaper right before we left for the night and we were able to have a little celebration with the nurse (yes, I took a picture...but I've decided to spare Lincoln any future humiliation). We left the hospital tonight on a good note and we're praying that God will continue to watch over our boy tonight as he sleeps. For those of you who know me well enough, you might know that I like to be straight and to the point sometimes (although you'd never be able to tell from the last week of blogging!). So, here are my straight and to the point prayer requests in case you'd like to include us in your prayers.

1. Thank God for blessing us with this little boy. Praise God for how we works!

2. Pray that there would be no infection and that whatever is going on could be easily treated...or even better that God would work a miracle and everything would be cleared up.

3. Pray that Lincoln's lungs would mature and be able to function with strength on their own.

4. Pray that Lincoln would be able to develop the skills necessary to eat/digest and gain weight soon.

Thanks again for all of your thoughts and prayers! Before I go I just can't resist sharing the best quote I heard today...which happened to come out of April's mouth:) "It just feels like this whole thing has been one really freaking long day!"

Sleep is good! Bring it on!

Good times

Lincoln is still doing good. In fact, today a nurse even said (while covering Lincoln's ears) that "He's been a model preemie". Just pray that this continues! The Neonatoligist told us that Linc's brain scan on Thursday was good...showing nothing abnormal. He seems to be eating good but the nurses are going to stay on top of this...knowing that digestion is an important factor in his development. I can't believe I'm actually going to say this but...we'll celebrate when he poops for the first time:) On the humorous side of things, Lincoln's day nurse pointed out something funny. He's got a good calic right on the front of his head. Perhaps another sign that he got some strong genes from his dad:)

Holding Lincoln has become April's new favorite thing to do and today there was no shortage in doing her favorite thing. In addition to spending some good bonding time our boy, we actually got to take a mini break from hospital world and enjoy hanging out with some friends. Although we'd love to spend every moment with Lincoln, it was nice to get a breath of "the normal world"...not to mention how good the ribs at dinner tasted! Thank you, thank you, thank you! to the Howell's for dinner and of course the chance to put on a puppet show for you with your kids;)

It seems like everyday we find ourselves looking at Lincoln and feeling kinda speechless. Yeah...you could easily attribute this to the emotions we're experiencing. You could say it's because we're new parents and totally in love with our son. You could even say that we're just tired. While all of these things are true...I think that when you really get down to it, we're speechless because we're realizing that God has entrusted us with this little boy He created. Not in the "Wow, we're now parents" kind of way but more like, "Wow, this little boy was actually sent to us from heaven!" Obviously there is so much more to this reality than we can even begin to discuss. I think all you have to do is look at a Lincoln's little body to understand what I'm talking about and the spiritual awesomeness (is that a word?) of this event in our lives. Here are few more pictures to show you what I'm talking about...

Reality

Today several realities began to sink in a little further. On a light note.... one reality that began to sink in for me (this is April by the way) is that my adorable little boy looks a lot like his daddy. He has these huge eyes and a giant forehead... poor kid... just kidding:) After dinner the whole family took a nap together, and since I was the first to wake up...I got to take the funny pictures of Lincoln and Jeremy's mouths hanging wide open :-) The quiet hum of the ventilators and machines makes it pretty tough to stay awake in the ICN. As soon as you walk in there is this weird calming atmosphere. It's really easy to loose track of time as the outside world fades.


Lincoln was doing pretty good again today. The nurses increased the amount of milk they are feeding him, but they are still closely monitoring how well his digestive system is working. We are a little nervous to see how this whole eating and digesting thing will turn out. It also made us a little anxious to watch his vital signs tonight. Lincoln's heart rate and breathing were both high, probably because he is getting caffeine. We've been told that it's common for preemies to stop breathing for short periods of time because they're lungs and brain are still immature (apnea). The caffeine is supposed to stimulate them to continuously breathe. Although the nurses have told us this kind of thing is common it's still hard to watch his vital signs race so fast. We wish we could do something to calm him down.

Watching his vital signs tonight made reality sink in a little more. When he was first born I felt like I was just watching a baby in a box, then after holding him we bonded and he was my baby boy... now I'm realizing my baby boy is hooked up to machines with monitors and meds. There isn't much I can do as I just sit and watch. It is a strange, helpless feeling. I'm not sure why this reality hadn't hit me before... especially since he isn't hooked up to nearly as many things as he was. I'm sure it is just part of the process and the emotional journey we are on.

Reality is this is going to be a long journey for us, but the past week has already flown by and I'm sure before we know it we will be bringing Lincoln home. Reality is we are going to have days like today (or worse) where things aren't all going perfectly. Preemies have to work hard to catch up and sometimes they forget to breathe or their heart skips. It's scary to sit and watch, but I think it will make us appreciate every other milestone in his development.

Since last Friday morning when Linc was born nothing has felt the same. Every joy in life is so much more joyful and every moment is more fulfilling. I don't think I have ever cried more or laughed more or had such peace and contentment. I'm sure God is being gracious to me, blocking some of the heartache and keeping the scary moments away as he protects Linc from what could possibly be. We are taking it one day at a time, one moment at a time, and trusting God and his sovereignty.

I knew being parents would change us, I just never knew it would be this amazing.

One Week

Wow! Time flies! Not long ago (Nov. 26) April and I were sitting in a room with an ultrasound tech, looking at pictures of our baby at a 29 week checkup. Now we can drive ten minutes and actually hold him. Who would've thought?

I don't think there's much to say but just to celebrate the fact that Lincoln has made it one week...and done pretty good for that matter! As some of you may know, I've contstantly got music swirling around in my head. Well anyway, April and I have spent a lot of time just singing out to God this past week and right now I can't help but think of the words from a song you might know...

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be

Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

We know that God is faithful and it's not just something I'm wasting my time by saying to sound all "christian" in a blog. If you know me well enough, you'd know that's not me. The fact is that we've prayed to God to protect our baby boy and He's been faithful. I think it's only right to give God the praise He deserves for watching over Lincoln. It's really easy to say that God is good (only 9 letters to type) but if you could hold Lincoln against your chest and feel his heart beating like we have...you'd agree that only the hand of God could make that happen.

What a Day!

As you may be able to tell from the latest picture of Lincoln, It was quite the day! Accomplishment #1 - He is breathing all on his own! Accomplishment #2 - The nurses were able to feed him 2ml of milk. By the time we (yes, in case you've been following along...April was feeling fine today...no more sore throat) went to visit Linc tonight he was pretty tired, as you can probably tell by the big yawn. There aren't many words to describe how excited April was that she was able to go back the hospital today. All I can tell you is that when we were walking from the parking garage to the hospital she was smiling a lot, and I looked at her and said, "You're crazy!" Of course I was kidding because there's no way I'd ever blame her for being excited to see our son:)

Again, all reports are good so far. The doctors did a ultrasound on Lincoln's head to make sure there is no blood in his brain. This is totally a standard procedure for preemies so no need to worry. As of tonight, the neurologist hadn't had the chance to read the test so we will wait until tomorrow and pray that it's clear. Everything else is still looking good and we left tonight feeling confident that Lincoln is progressing through preemie school well. At the same time we want to be careful not to get our hopes up...we want to be realistic and not let our heads get too far in the clouds. Please continue to pray for Lincoln's little body to be healthy.

April and I can't believe it's almost been one week since our world started to quickly change when we welcomed Lincoln into our lives. We were reminiscing on the way home about how things happened so quick last Thursday afternoon to Friday morning. Crazy stuff! I guess it's just one big reminder that we are not in control. God's definitely in charge and that's what we're resting on as we think about our baby boy tonight.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your continued support, prayer, emails, phone calls, and comments! At some point in the near future we'd actually like to begin returning missed phone calls and emails. Just know that we love all of you and wish we had more time in each day. For now we're just taking it a day at a time and being amazed at how good our God is:)

-Jeremy, April, & Lincoln...ok...fine...April is sitting here saying, "What about Belle?" ;) sooo....

Belle too

p.s. the poor dog has no clue what's in store for her future hahaha

Nap Time

This morning when April woke up she felt like she was getting a sore throat so despite how badly she wanted to go and see Lincoln, she couldn't go to the hospital at all. Lincoln isn't strong enough to fight off stuff that we as adults can handle so we just can't take any chances and expose him to any kind of germs. He's too important to us to risk it, even if it is as minor as sore throat. The hospital has signs posted everywhere to make people aware and cautious about spreading sickness so we wanted to make sure and do our part. Needless to say, it was a really tough day for April. It's hard enough to leave him behind each night...and then to know that you can't see him at all for a day or two is even worse.

Since April couldn't make it to see him, she had to call in the reserves...ok so, it was just me but whatever. After making sure to take my vitamins, I was glad to go and give Lincoln some love from his momma. He was doing good again today and all of the reports from the doctors remain positive. One big accomplishment to report is that he's no longer under phototherapy. So, while I'm sure he enjoyed the stylish shades he was sporting for a few days, we're glad to know that his billirubin count has stabilized. It seems like he is improving a little bit more each day! Today he was able to even eat a tiny bit of milk (1 ml to be specific). As I've said in recent posts, eating and digesting is a milestone in the development of a preemie so we'll pray that he can quickly jump through this hoop and continue to grow.

I was able to spend some time with Lincoln twice today and both times the nurses let me hold him. This morning I spent over and hour holding him against my chest. Each time the nurses reposition him or move him it causes him a little bit of stress, but he quickly settled in and relaxed after being placed against my skin. I can't explain how peaceful it is to hold him. It's like nothing I've ever felt before. Lincoln and I took a nap together and when the nurses woke me up I felt more rested than I have in at least a week. It was really nice:) One quick fun fact - Lincoln's day nurse told me that babies can easily tell who is holding them because father's tend to have a firmer grip on them. She also told me that they can tell Mom and Dad apart by the tone of their voices. Yeah I know, this probably sounds like really obvious stuff but as I drove home for lunch I kept thinking about how amazing it is to know that my son already knows me!

Before I go, I just want to ask you to really pray for April. It's been a really hard day for her and she's hoping to be able to see Lincoln again either tomorrow or Friday. She's already such a great Mom...she totally lights up whenever she's around Linc. Pray that she would be able to fight off any sickness and get a lot of rest. Speaking of rest...I think it's about that time....zzzzzzzz

Thanks for checking out our blog again,
Jeremy, April, and Lincoln

Wash Behind Your Ears!

Well, it's 11:38 at night so I guess it's time to give you all a little update.

First I'll start with some of the basic medical facts...

Today they took Lincoln off the cpap (contstant positive air pressure) which meansno more annoying big tubes on his head! The best part is that we can actually see his little face (which we'll get to in some later pictures:) They also took the temporary IV line out of his belly button and put in a more permanent line in his arm. There are getting to be less and less wires! This is all good news and it means that he's progressing well. We had a good conversation with his night nurse who told us that they are waiting to finish one of his medications before they start to try and feed him drops of milk. There will be some road markers in his development process and learning to eat and digest is a big one. They're also hoping that his billibrubin (jaundice) count will go down soon. Another thing they're watching is a heart murmur. Tomorrow they'll do an echocardiogram to check it out. Pray that the hole will have closed up in response to the medication they've given him. At this point that's really all there is to report on in terms of medical stuff...now to the fun stuff!

April went to the hospital by herself this morning when I had to go into the church office for a little bit. She called me on the way home for lunch and she sounded really excited...she gave me the medical update for the morning and then shared how she's finally starting to feel like a Mom. It's hard to constantly watch our baby lying in his bed but not be able to take him home at the end of the day...so...when they let her be a part of caring for him it makes it a lot more real. Lincoln also had his eyes open a lot this morning which was really special. Oh yeah...he also offcially recieved his cool name card with poka dots and a turtle sticker on it. I had to remember to mention the important stuff of course.

Tonight when both of us went back the hospital together, they let us give him his first "bath" (which really just consists of wiping him down with a wet piece of guaze:)...but when he's just laying there in the same positions for days...even a little minor wipe down helps! And yes...to all the moms out there...we made sure to wash behind his tiny ears. I got some more practice changing his diaper (which happens to be the same size as my cell phone) but apparently I can use some more practice. I didn't quite the get the 1st one tight enough so the nurses sent us home with our first load of baby laundry:) He peed through his diaper hahaha:) After that we just spent some time resting our hands on him and praying for him...letting him wrap his hands around our fingers. It's still amazing that he knows who we are.

If you were to ask me how we're doing (which many of you have), I would say, "We're doing pretty good". It's true, I think we are doing pretty good but at the same time, it's not getting any easier to have to say good night and leave Lincoln at the hospital. I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you could pray for one thing...pray for that. Ask God to watch over Lincoln when he sleeps at night. Ask God to take our place and sit in the rocking chair next to his bed. Ask God to put his hands through the holes in Lincolns bed and rest his powerful hands on Linc's tiny body.

A Good Day

So...I think our hands have probably been cleaner in the last four days than they've been in our entire lives! Each time we go into visit Lincoln we've got to do the "3 minute scrub". We don't want to give him or any of the other babies any cooties from the outside:)

All kidding aside, today was a great day! Lincoln seems to be getting stronger and showing more signs of development every day. The morning started off with us meeting his nurse for the day. It was fun to talk with her because she's actually friends with someone I work with at our church. She told us that she'd been given a heads up about our baby...so when she came into work this morning...she looked for Lincoln and immediately called dibs on him. It's good to know he's under such great care. His nurse even asked me to help her in removing a line which was going into a vein in his bellybutton. The line helped the nurses keep track of his blood pressure...which means that he's stable enough that they don't need to constantly watch it anymore. That's a good thing!

While Lincoln chilled out under his blue LED's, April and I got a little more rest. We also had the chance to go out to lunch...which was sorta fun because the place we ate at was the same place we went to dinner back in March and made the final decision to start trying to have a baby. We decided to treat ourselves to some dessert to celebrate our success.

Like I said before...Lincoln seems do be improving every day. I can't help but think that it's because of the many prayers that have been lifted to God recently. Please continue to pray for him and us as we continue to travel on this adventure...no matter what happens in the days to come. Also, thanks to all of you who've been leaving comments on our blog. It's encoraging to read your words and hear that many of you have made it through similar situations. I think all of this is testament to the fact that God is a great Dad.

God You Reign

Today was coming home day for April...so needless to say it was a little rough on both of us. I do have to say real quick that April is already an amazing mom! I wish I could take away the sadness she's feeling right now. We still look at each other and say, "It's just crazy!" Although we had to leave Lincoln at the hospital tonight, we are confident that he's in good hands. We'll definitely be back in the morning to spend some time with him.

While we were there today, they let me hold him on my chest...another moment that made it feel like the world had stopped. The nurses really encourage us to have as much skin to skin contact as possible with him because it's proven to speed up growth and development in preemies. It's awesome to watch his vitals calm so quickly when he's close to you. It's got to be a God thing that Linc knows who we are when we hold him.The reports from the doctors continue to be encouraging. They took him off blood pressure medication...removed the breathing tube and now he's breathing room air through a nasal ventilator. These are both really good things! Just like many babies, Lincoln gets to sleep under some bright blue lights for a little bit until his jaundice goes away...but at least they're blue lights and not pink:)

There's no question...it was just plain hard to load up our car and drive away from the hospital tonight. It felt so wrong...and to be really honest I would rather be staying up all night tonight...losing tons of sleep with a crying baby then wondering how his breathing is doing while he lays all connected and tied down. We both shed a lot of tears, but as we drove away we listened to a great song that reminded us that Lincoln is in God's hands tonight as he sleeps. The song is by a guy named Lincoln Brewster (no...just in case you're wondering we didn't name our son after him:) and it's called "God You Reign". We know that we aren't the only ones who have gone through this type of situation...and certainly there are a lot of people out there right now who are experiencing hurt because of stuff happening in their lives. But, the song we listened to on the drive home is just pure truth about who God is in the middle of tough times. God is in control and even though we can't be there tonight to watch our baby sleep, we know that God is holding Lincoln in his palm. God reigns

A little father & son time

April was able to change Lincoln's diaper for the first time!

We never thought the hospital would be decorated
for Christmas when our baby was born...pretty crazy!


Smiling through some tears