Reality

Today several realities began to sink in a little further. On a light note.... one reality that began to sink in for me (this is April by the way) is that my adorable little boy looks a lot like his daddy. He has these huge eyes and a giant forehead... poor kid... just kidding:) After dinner the whole family took a nap together, and since I was the first to wake up...I got to take the funny pictures of Lincoln and Jeremy's mouths hanging wide open :-) The quiet hum of the ventilators and machines makes it pretty tough to stay awake in the ICN. As soon as you walk in there is this weird calming atmosphere. It's really easy to loose track of time as the outside world fades.


Lincoln was doing pretty good again today. The nurses increased the amount of milk they are feeding him, but they are still closely monitoring how well his digestive system is working. We are a little nervous to see how this whole eating and digesting thing will turn out. It also made us a little anxious to watch his vital signs tonight. Lincoln's heart rate and breathing were both high, probably because he is getting caffeine. We've been told that it's common for preemies to stop breathing for short periods of time because they're lungs and brain are still immature (apnea). The caffeine is supposed to stimulate them to continuously breathe. Although the nurses have told us this kind of thing is common it's still hard to watch his vital signs race so fast. We wish we could do something to calm him down.

Watching his vital signs tonight made reality sink in a little more. When he was first born I felt like I was just watching a baby in a box, then after holding him we bonded and he was my baby boy... now I'm realizing my baby boy is hooked up to machines with monitors and meds. There isn't much I can do as I just sit and watch. It is a strange, helpless feeling. I'm not sure why this reality hadn't hit me before... especially since he isn't hooked up to nearly as many things as he was. I'm sure it is just part of the process and the emotional journey we are on.

Reality is this is going to be a long journey for us, but the past week has already flown by and I'm sure before we know it we will be bringing Lincoln home. Reality is we are going to have days like today (or worse) where things aren't all going perfectly. Preemies have to work hard to catch up and sometimes they forget to breathe or their heart skips. It's scary to sit and watch, but I think it will make us appreciate every other milestone in his development.

Since last Friday morning when Linc was born nothing has felt the same. Every joy in life is so much more joyful and every moment is more fulfilling. I don't think I have ever cried more or laughed more or had such peace and contentment. I'm sure God is being gracious to me, blocking some of the heartache and keeping the scary moments away as he protects Linc from what could possibly be. We are taking it one day at a time, one moment at a time, and trusting God and his sovereignty.

I knew being parents would change us, I just never knew it would be this amazing.